doubt...

Today I feel like I have so many reasons to doubt.  I have been praying, for FOREVER, for my mother.  We all have!  Does He hear me?  I know He sees how much pain she is in.  Why doesn't He stop it?  My list could go on and on.

It sometimes feels we are fighting a losing battle.  Sometimes being yesterday and today.

She is a little bit worse than yesterday.  Her color is not good.  She has developed a bad cough and is having trouble breathing at times.  When I left, her temperature was up and she was requesting cough meds.  She was waiting for a chest x-ray.

I just heard from Dad.  The x-ray looked good, along with an EKG.  They were going to do a CT scan of her lungs next.

Her doctor is still treating her for infection.  He is going to continue using antibiotics to treat the infection that is causing the cellulitis.  He thinks that the infection may be some strain of staff. 

The moment I let go of His hand is the instant I begin to doubt.  I know He has her in the palm of His hand, but sometimes wonder why this is happening.  His plans are always and will always be far better than anything I could ever think of.  His timing and execution is always right on time.  After all, He makes no mistakes.

I think when we are faced with difficult situations, it's only natural to wonder and doubt.  Time spent in the hospital, waiting with her, almost stand stills.  It ticks by ever so slowly.  She was sleeping lots today, so I had lots of quiet time....to wonder, pray, and even...selfishly begin to doubt.  It was in that moment that mother, who was sound asleep, started muttering ever so softly, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus..."  How's that for perfect timing? There is just something about His name.

Please pray tonight that our fears and doubts would vanish in the night.  In those moments, let His presence be ever so close to our hearts.

Can't get this song out of my head tonight.  It's no coincidence either, I'm almost certain.

Update again tomorrow. Thank you for everything.  From the very pit of our hearts.